David Bredbenner - Author

We all yearn for someplace safe, someplace familiar, someplace we know and don’t have to think about, someplace we can just be. For people with dementia, often that experience is heightened, while elements of the familiar slowly, inexplicably disappear.

The desire to go home is strong, instinctual, and sadly unattainable as your mind plays tricks so convincing, that even your real home no longer feels as it should. That is what became a familiar theme for my mom. 

My mom. Betty Jane “BJ” Brednenner. An incredibly smart, vivacious woman – adoring wife, loving mother, doting grandmother, acclaimed artist, accomplished marathon runner, and so much more.

The more dementia progressed, the more she just wanted to be home. The only issue is she was home and at times no longer recognized it. This only made the desire for home stronger. Dementia is torture, stripping the things we hold most dear from our memories. The phrase became all too familiar to us and never easy to answer.  I’ve heard it from others who have loved ones with dementia as well. They all want to go home.

All of us are searching for hope and mostly just surviving – taking the good days when they come, weathering the bad ones, and picking up the pieces along the way with a healthy dose of laughter whenever possible.

As we navigated this uncharted territory of dementia with my mom, I constantly came in contact with people that were in similar situations… that had more questions than answers and just wanted a safe space to vent or feel a little less alone. I wrote this book as a way to help people find comfort in community and that, even though it will often feel like it, you are not alone.”

I hope my experiences bring some insight, some greater understanding of compassion for those who are cared for and for those who provide the care. I hope it brings some peace in knowing that if you’re dealing with this horrid opponent, you are not alone, though you may feel that way much of the time. Lastly, if you open yourself to this journey of caregiving for a parent or loved one, I hope you come to learn that it’s an amazing gift, both to give and to receive.